Sayonara

LO! my friend ..I am on..
set my boots firmly on,
let's see whereto this road gets..
what new days, the journey begets... 


On this note began my affair with this "not all is lost". We've had an on and off relationship of sorts. Well frankly, me and my infidelity is to be blamed for this. This blog has been my faithful companion in times of melancholy & distress, whereas has remained woefully forgotten in happier times. I think that is unfair and hence I have reached the decision to discontinue this blog. I'll miss it.


Maybe in the future I'll continue this blog or start a new one or maybe just return to the comforts of my good old diary. But for now it is time to bid farewells..
Sayonara...
Love you and Miss you...


P.S. - To all my reader (if any) love you and miss you too.

Charge of the Light Brigade

Some events transpired today which immediately brought this poem to my mind and also Michael Oher's essay on the same from the movie "The Blind Side".
Poem - http://www.nationalcenter.org/ChargeoftheLightBrigade.html
Here's the essay  - 
“Courage is a hard thing to figure. You can have courage based on a dumb idea or a mistake, but you’re not supposed to question adults, or your coach, or your teacher because they make the rules. Maybe they know best but maybe they don’t. It all depends on who you are, where you come from. Didn’t at least one of the six hundred guys think about giving up and joining with the other side? I mean, Valley of Death, that’s pretty salty stuff. That’s why courage is tricky. Should you always do what others tell you to do? Sometimes you might not even know why you’re doing something. I mean, any fool can have courage. But honor, that’s the real reason you either do something or you don’t. It’s who you want to be. If you die trying for something important then you have both honor and courage and that’s pretty good. I think that’s what the writer was saying; that you should try for courage and hope for honor. And maybe even pray that the people telling you what to do have some, too.”
One of my very close friends, taught me the actual meaning of these words to me today. Until now I was living in an illusion I had created for myself, but hearing him brought me back to reality. 
I know it is going to be a tough road ahead for you, but I will always be by your side. Thank you for showing me the true meaning of both Courage and Honour. You are both personified and it has been a privilege to be your friend.


P.S. - Thanks Hostel. You were right. I'll always remember today's lunch  but for very different reasons. 

Random

Read this somewhere - 
"At some point of time you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life"...
I think I get it...somehow I do..

What If

This has been my biggest weakness and the biggest dilemma of my life. What if things don't shape up the way you want them to be? What if all your hopes and dreams come crashing down? What if all that comes in your grasp is thin air?

I wonder why I can't  just let things be, let the chips fall into place. Why do I have to go around in circles? Why can't I just take the plunge? Who the hell cares anyway. But.....What If....

And this is how it all begun,
No battles fought, no battles won,
No blood offered at verge of blade,
For all it was, was his own crusade,
To find the one who owned his life,
To find the one who lost her life.


The wheel of time as it turns,
With each new age, new legends it churns.
Of heroes brave and gallant and strong,
Of star-crossed lovers and love forlorn.
But seldom has the wheel spun a tale so blazing,
that put to shame the mighty sun.


PS: Its just somthing i conjured up. Don't know where it goes, no idea...I hadn't posted for quite long now
and didn't want this to become a habit...

Explanations..

This is an anonymous comment I recieved on one of my posts - Killing Osama . 

      To reciprocate/spread the pain among other humans caused to oneself is the most natural thing to do for someone who's brain primarily works on animal instincts. it takes a certain level of maturity and understanding of human nature to absorb the pain and anger and still be willing to forgive. it is only because of this nature that human species has survived this long. you write big things but fail to understand the core Highly disappointed and shattered.

I appreciate the sentiments and admire the thoughtfulness. However here's my pov -
@Anon : Thanks for the analysis. I must admit that the post displays more savagery and raw emotions towards the end and certainly unmindful and wrong thoughts, but just one question - what kind of forgiveness do you expect and to what end ? I would love to be naive enough to believe that forgiveness might actually bring about a change of heart, but sadly I am not. So yes I advocate not killing Osama, but I think some deeds can neither be forgiven nor forgotten. 

Of Love and Other....'Things' - Part I

CHAPTER 1 - She Saw Me..

            

            And I fell, quite literally I mean, not that I'm a klutz, which let me assure you..I AM NOT. But that's not the point here, the point is - I fell, on the road, while I was listening to my favorite song on my iPod (which unlike me didn't take the fall that sportingly and refuses to work now). Why did I fell? Well the Indica just stopped right infront of me (on the offside, just who stops their car right infront of you without even honking, which by the way they love doing in Bangalore - assholes!). Anyways ummm..the car stopped and ummm... she.. got out.

           Yeah! yeah! I know pretty cliched, who am I  kidding, pretty lame actually. Its just that she had those eyes. eyes you know you'll lose your way in, but you aren't afraid to take the plunge because they make you feel at home at the same time. Eyes that make you forget everything and just make you feel happy just that..happy. I can't call them the most beautiful or anything like that for it really would be an insult. you just can't compare them. She just had those eyes and the most mesmerizing smile as she looked at me...

FUCK..!!!  SHE SAW ME..!!!!

CHAPTER 2 - Silence

              Hah..!! today too..she didn't show up. Its been the same for the past two weeks. I have been trying to get glimpse of her. It was 5.45 pm when I last saw her. For the past two weeks I have been waiting for her, here, at the exact spot I fell. I come at around 5.15 a.m and leave well after 6.30 (what all I had to do to leave office early, is yet another story, don't even get me started.) Well she hasn't showed up. I know I am probably admitting to being a stalker here, but I just wanted to see her again, just once. I didn't really want to stalk her, but the more I tried to stop myself the longer I'd find myself waiting for her. So, I gave in, I stopped fighting myself. I liked her and no good can be achieved by denying this. Ah! cliché again but I don't really want to say it. It really makes me sound...moronic. 

             Leaving that aside, I think it's really absurd, all this talk about -"When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream.” It's nothing but empty words. Futile fabrications just to make a person feel good.   

                 "Oye Launde !! I am here. Did you register even one word I said?"

                 "No", I mumbled.

                 "What or rather who are you looking for ?" 

              "Nobody in particular", I mumbled again over a sip of tea (was I this obvious!!). The person asking all these questions is my flatmate, by the way. Usually I feign interest in his blabbering, but today I was just not up for it. So he continued chattering and I continued scanning the opposite pavement for any sign of her. I had been pulled into returning with my flatmate which, given the current circumstances, I truly wanted to avoid. But something – something happened and, here I was drinking tea at ‘Sri Chaitanya Sagar’, a good fifty yards ahead of my regular spot (this doesn’t sound right, at all). I sighed as I tried to phase the unending barrage of words out of my head and focus on my task. It was time and she could show up any second now.

(5 min to, 3 min to, 1 ,0, 3 min past, 6 min past, 10 min, 15 min..) Hah…!!. Better luck tomorrow. A faint smile appeared on my lips and I laughed at myself when I contemplated on my last thoughts. What was I even thinking or hoping for?

                   “What are you laughing at?”

                   “Nothing in particular”

                   “Oye! Enough with your ‘nothings’. Just say if you don’t like her. No need to laugh. ”

                   “ I what? Like who?”

                   “Abey the girl I was showing you. On the opposite by lane. ”

                   “Give me the helmet, we are leaving and I am driving”.

                   “What you, no way. No way I am letting you drive my new bike.”

                   “Gimme a break already. I know how to drive and it’s important or else you know I’d never ask.”

                   “What’s so important, that you, of all people, are ready to drive a motorcycle?”

Not slow on the intake, is he? Now of all times. Anyways he was right. I am mortally afraid of driving any geared vehicle and given the circumstances, my behavior was suspicious.

                   For once, he let me. I put on the helmet so that there isn’t the slightest chance of me getting noticed as I come out of the shop. Now all that remained was time. I had to get there fast and that involved a u-turn and a traffic signal and given that this is Bangalore, it’s not such an easy task. It would take me at least 15 min. The longest 15 minutes ever.  

                                So here I was driving/riding/pushing/pulling – Ah ! whatever you wanna call it the bike, all the time praying fervently to Him – this one time, this one time, please!!

P.S. - This is turning out longer than I anticipated. I am enjoying jotting it down, hope you enjoy reading it.

            This is my first attempt at story telling, please drop your suggestions to help me improve.

Reverse Psychology.......Sucks..!!!

Okay, so I tried it and you know what, it sucks. Reverse Psychology sucks big time. What is supposed to suck will suck no matter how hard you try to convince yourself of all its positivities. I am feeling particularly low and uninspired right now :(  

For Now

For now, let me catch my breath,
lend me an instant of rest.


For now,
Let me bask in the sun, absorb the warmth,
Let me feel the breeze, the soft rustle of leaves.
Listen to the sparrow sing as I lie on the grass.
A tingling sensation in my feet.


For now,
Let me watch the sunflowers dance with the breeze,
Fill my lungs with their smell, Ah.!! so sweet.
Let me fly with the seeds, on the wind, far and far and far.
Let me hum a silent song, a silent prayer
for this momentary peace.
Let me croon with the honey bees


For now

This is going to be a hectic day. But somehow I am not sad or cranky about it. Infact i'm looking forward to it. I did not count on the fact that I'd actually like the work I'm doing. This was never on the cards. I had always thought that this was not my cup of tea, but surprisingly I'm good at it and I enjoy it. So although, I curse the extra long work days, the weekends spent working, I think I like my job. I have to be because barring Monday ( for obvious reasons ) I feel excited about each new morning and the challenges it brings.

Killing Osama

                                                   


             So finally, Osama's dead. At long last Uncle Sam has managed to win the game of hide and seek, going on for the past 10 years. Cheers..!! Osama, the name of terror and if you can put it that way, the name of hatred in many a people's hearts. Osama is dead.
             But what does his death signify ? I mean he's dead, death is so final. Its the end of all things - Osama. Did he realize the gravity of his deeds, the depth of pain he had inflicted? Did he ever, for even an instant, repent the innocent lives he has taken. Not only the people he has killed, but also their alive loved ones, who have died a slow death every day since. Did he ever feel anything for those people? On second thoughts, if he was capable of any such feelings he wouldn't have have done what he did in the first case.
             And so I ask again, what does Osama's death really mean? for starters it means a second life to Obama, that's for sure, but other than that, I'm not so sure or I fail to understand at this moment. It might be just my personal opinion, but I don't think Osama should've been killed. For the same reason I stated above - its too final and its useless. It doesn't give any closure (if there can ever be any closure) to any of those who've lost their loved ones to Osama's mockery of humanity, which he loved to call Jehad. Osama alive was worth more than he's dead. Now hes gone, but a million questions live. Why'd he ever do what he did and what made Osama - OSAMA. 
             I think he should've been kept alive. He should have been made to realize the pain he had inflicted on the collective human psyche. Maybe we could have tried killing his family members infront of him, slowly one member each year, maybe then he would have realized how it is when you loose someone.
             But now he's dead and who's to say there isn't another Osama in the making, planning another 9/11? People like Osama shouldn't be killed. They should be kept alive at all costs and made to fear life not death but life. They should be made to want death every moment of their lives and terribly terribly fear being alive. Maybe then we'd have a few less Osamas.
              But then that's my opinion.

The Man Called Gandhi

The Man called Gandhi

There are a lot of articles floating around on the net these days, about Mohandas KaramChand Gandhi. The name and the man more commonly (if not all that endearingly anymore) known as Mahatma Gandhi. There's one thing I find rather amusing in these, the authors' fascination with his sex life and our hypocrisy in accepting things as they were. I empathize with the author. Come on they need something to sell the book! what is it a thousand and nth biography on Gandhi..!! But what I really do find interesting, is our attitude of absolute denial. And of course how can we accept that there might be an iota of truth in what the author says, afterall it is but a brutal attack on the Indian psyche. The sheer audacity to even suggest to the largely homophobic Indian society, that the Father of the Nation might be, just might be bisexual !! Blasphemy !!

Gandhi was always brutally honest in his pursuit of truth and the truth is that Gandhi was a man. I remember reading somewhere as a child that Gandhi was an avatar of Lord Vishnu. And this is where the problem lies. We all know that is just children's' story, but as a matter of fact, we have glorified Gandhi to such an extent that he no longer remains a normal human being. All his actions have been analyzed and reanalyzed treating him as infallible and any shortcomings, any lapse of judgement on his part is a shocker. Is it so difficult for us to realize that Gandhi was just a man? An extraordinary man, but a man nonetheless. Why can't we just let him be - Gandhi - just that. We have to realize that he was not infallible. What he chose to do in his sexual life and otherwise was his business.

Change

It comes, whether you like it or not, it really does. Its always there just lurking around the corner. Change comes and then comes again and again and again and the process goes on.So what do you do ? You either accept it or you fight it and then accept it ,'cause either way isn't that really the only option available - acceptance. Why do things have to change ? Just why can't they remain the same , why ?
Well its done and its better I wake up from my slumber and take stalk of things b4 its 2 late.

I wonder

Have you ever experienced that feeling of something coming to destroy you and you don't care. That feeling when you can't see the ground below but you are ready to take the plunge. That exhilaration that comes from self destruction. That overpowering emotion, that breathlessness, that crushing pain, that relief and that happiness. Have you ever been in love? I haven't and i wonder what its like? That feeling of complete surrender. I wonder what its like.

Until we meet again

I need to take a step back, to move on.
Trace a new path in this wilderness,
to find a new world.


I rest my hands on the knob, reluctant to open the door,
But as i reflect, I see you have left.
From where I stand, I can see you, smaller and smaller,
yet I am happy. You have chosen your path
and I need to do the same.


An untread road lies before me,
I need to take that first step.
This is the place where our paths met
and our fates separate.
Until we meet again..!!


PS: Just something from my diary. Read it today and found it relevant to
so many aspects of my life as it is now. 

CHAPTER 1 - She Saw Me

CHAPTER 1 - She Saw Me

            

            And I fell, quite literally I mean, not that I'm a klutz, which let me assure you..I AM NOT. But that's not the point here, the point is - I fell, on the road, while I was listening to my favorite song on my iPod (which unlike me didn't take the fall that sportingly and refuses to work now). Why did I fell? Well the Indica just stopped right infront of me (on the offside, just who stops their car right infront of you without even honking, which by the way they love doing in Bangalore - assholes!). Anyways ummm..the car stopped and ummm... she.. got out.

           Yeah! yeah! I know pretty cliched, who am I  kidding, pretty lame actually. Its just that she had those eyes. eyes you know you'll lose your way in, but you aren't afraid to take the plunge because they make you feel at home at the same time. Eyes that make you forget everything and just make you feel happy just that..happy. I can't call them the most beautiful or anything like that for it really would be an insult. you just can't compare them. She just had those eyes and an absolutely mesmerizing smile as she looked at me...

FUCK..!!!  SHE SAW ME..!!!!